So, I don’t mean to brag or anything, but I’m usually pretty great at being nice in annoying situations. It’s what allows me to put the phrase “good phone and people skills” on my resume.
Like, when I get various “courtesy calls” I like to try to hang up with style.
CLICK.
Even those times when I’ve had to take care of bills or bank things or insurance claims over the phone, I don’t usually get irked when I spend an hour listening to a recorded voice cycle me through menu options. It’s like a verbal flow chart. Or choose your own adventure.
But, the other day? I lost my cool. Here’s the sitch: It’s three months after we’ve been married and our marriage certificate still hasn’t shown up in the mail. I was mildly concerned, but just chalked up the delay to paperwork and bureaucracy.
Finally, I called the County Clerk’s office to find out what was up. Here is our conversation, nearly verbatim (or as well as I can remember it)
“Thank you for calling the LA County Clerk’s office, how may I help you?”
“Hi, my name is (I told her my name) and I got married March 20, 2010 and we sent in all of our paperwork but our certificate hasn’t arrived in the mail yet. Can I check on where it is in the approval process?”
“Thank you. Can I have your name?”
“Sure” (I tell her my name.)(Again.)
“Okaaaay, what date did you get married?”
“Um. March 20, 2010″
“Okaaaaay, and did you mail your paperwork back in to us?”
“Yes.”
“Okaaaay. And what’s your name?
(I tell her again.)
“Let me check.”
(*clickity click click keyboard tap clickity clack*)
“I don’t see a request in here under that name.”
“Does that mean I’m not married? Do we need to do it again?”
“No, it just means you didn’t request your Certificate to be mailed to your house”
“Yes I did. I mailed in my paperwork.”
“Did you mail in your request?”
“Wasn’t that a part of the paperwork?
“Did you request the request?”
“I’m sorry? What?”
“Did you call us to request the request?”
“I have to request a request for my certificate?”
“Yes, and did you mail in the $14 check?”
“Nobody told me it was $14 to request it. How much is it for the *request* request?”
*laughter laughter, hearty laughter*
“Why would you pay to request the request?”
“I don’t know, why do I have to pay $14 for the request itself?”
“I don’t know, to cover postage? But if you just come to the office, you can get it, same day service.”
“Okay. Well, I can’t come down there to pick it up, I’d have to take off work.”
“Where do you live?”
(As an aside: Laura Jane – Works weekdays, 9-6
LA County Clerk/Registrar’s office – open weekdays 8-5 (click here, if you don’t believe me) AN HOUR AWAY FROM WHERE I LIVE AND WORK. It’s a triangle of hatred and traffic.)
(I tell her where I live)
*laughter laughter, hearty laughter*
“Well that’s only half an hour away, you should just come in and pick it up.”
“How fast do you drive? It takes me an hour to get down to you.”
*more inane laughter… inane annoying laughter*
“How slow do you drive? Just come down here and pick up your certificate. Same day service! Only $14.”
“Maybe you didn’t hear me, I don’t want to take off work to come down and stand in line and pick it up. Wait. I thought you said the $14 was for postage.”
“Maybe you didn’t hear me, it’s only half an hour, come down here and pick it up.”
“I’ve driven it before, it’s an hour. Plus, I’ll have to stand in line for an hour on top of that. Just mail me the request, I’ll pay the $14! Please consider this my request for you to mail me the effing request!” (yes, I said, effing)
“Alright fine, can I have your name?”
*sigh*
